When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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