Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it was like eating out sand paper
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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