she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
