East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
