Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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