His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
