I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
