She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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