I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
