just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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