what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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