She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Houston, we have a blender
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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