Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
