On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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