im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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