I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
