so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
