Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
