i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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