Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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