it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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