ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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