I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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