Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
