I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
