on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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