mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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