anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
