yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
