I want to have your abortion
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
