Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
