You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Drunk is not a location!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
