Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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