Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
