All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
