I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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