There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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