Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
