Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
