my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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