You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
