so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
