Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
