I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
