watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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