feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
