a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
