I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
