we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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