3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
