I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
