im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
