So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
