I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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